28 November, 2012
Prada Saffiano Quality TsetPosted in : Uncategorized on by : Chris
Porto 0 – 0 Deportivo La Coruna
Welcome. So, here we are, with the swarthy Portugeezers that eliminated Manchester United playing the Spanish outfit that trains in their local park and eliminated the holders AC Milan in such sensational fashion in the quarter-finals. And who better to throw in his two cents than Pablo, our cigar-selling regular from firstname.lastname@example.org La Coruna. “Buenos noches,” he says. “I’ve mailed you about every other game but now it’s the real thing. This city is a bag of nerves. You have no idea how bad it is.”
Just think of all the celebratory cigars that will be smoked if your boys win, Pablo.
The Sky camera-man is panning the crowd in search of pretty Authentic Prada Milano Handbags ladies, without a great deal of success it must be said. The teams emerge from the tunnel, with Porto wearing their home strip of blue and white stripes, while Deportivo are wearing red. They line up for the fancy music, shake hands with each other and …
1 min: Deportivo kick off, playing from left to right from the way I’m looking at it. They have four players on yellow cards, while Porto have five. The referee Are Prada Nylon Bags Worth The Money is Markus Merk from Germany who, it’s not widely known, is made entirely of ice-cream.
3 mins: Both teams trying to settle into the game, with no chances for anyone yet. I originally typed that they were trying to settle into the groove, but changed it to “game” because my original choice of phrase sounded ridiculous.
5 mins: Five minutes in and nothing noteworthy has happened yet. Mauro Silva crosses from the left to Victor, but it’s too high and the ball skims off his head and goes wide under a challenge from Nuno Valente.
7 mins: Porto win the first corner of the game but nothing comes of it. From their next attack, Deportivo win one and make a better fist of it. Although they only commit three men forward, Valeron manages to get a shot in but it’s high and wide.
10 mins: Porto attack, but Sergio tidies up at the back for Deportivo and the ball is hacked clear.
12 mins: For the 25th time this season, an edgy Pablo has written in to complain that the link to his cigar website doesn’t work. It does on my computer Pablo and there’s no point in me replacing it with the one you’ve sent in, because that’s the same one that’s there already. Free Authentic Prada Gauffre Bag for Porto deep in Deportivo territory – not unlike a short corner in hockey. It’s pulled back to allow Deco a shooting opportunity, but he wellies his effort out of the stadium.
17 mins: Valente has the first shot Are Prada Nylon Bags Worth The Money on target for Porto. It Black Prada Bag Mission Impossible doesn’t trouble Jose Molina unduly in the Deportivo goal.
18 mins: Completely unmarked, Maniche has a pop from about 35 yards. He shanks his shot high, right and wide.
20 mins: Deportivo break, courtesy of Enrique Romero who fires in a cross towards the near post. Vitor Baia catches it and clears.
22 mins: Carlos Alberto gets a yellow card. As is customary in these matters, I have no idea why. “Tell us the viewers, is Vitor Baia looking elderly these days?” enquires C. Shrock. I’m not quite sure what you mean C. I see no evidence of a blue rinse, wrinkly brown stockings, big grey bloomers or a bus pass, if that’s any help. This match has been very dull so far.
25 mins: “Aren’t you glad it’s not Liverpool like you normally get lumbered with!” writes Jack Lee. “I think the problem with the URL is something to do with the way GU linking works, because Pablo’s right – clicking on it doesn’t work for the great unwashed. How about relieving his stress by spelling out www.pablamos.com.”
It is done. Porto win a Authentic Prada Handbags Canada free-kick just outside the Deportivo box, when the two centre-halves simultaneously clatter into Deco. The injured party picks himself off the ground and proceeds to fire the free-kick straight into the Deportivo wall. Poor effort.
28 mins: There’s a bit of a kerfuffle which sees all Authentic Prada Outlet Uk the players harrassing the referee in a most Manchester United fashion. Carvalhio gets booked for the relatively harmless challenge that sparked it off, while Deportivo’s Manuel Pablo sees yellow for his troubles as well.
31 mins: Sergio squeezes a ball down the right wing towards Valeron. He finds Pandiani, whose cross/shot is cut out by the quite-sprightly-for-his-advanced-years Vitor Baia.
32 mins: Two mini-chances for Deportivo, who are making the better openings but are also being let down by the delivery of their final ball. There’s been nine offside decisions in this half so far. It’s very scrappy.
35 mins: Porto’s Benni McCarthy hacks down Nourreddine Naybet with a real striker’s tackle which goes unpunished by the referee. For his part, Naybet goes down clutching his shin and rolling around in agony. Get up you big wet girl’s blouse!
37 minutes: The first excellent scoring opportunity of the match and it’s almost an own goal. Porto’s Jorge Costa here drives in a low cross from the left, which Naybet deflects over the bar. It could have gone anywhere but if he’d left it, Benni McCarthy was lurking behind him ready to tap it in.
40 mins: Hakan Hansson, who yesterday had the temerity to accuse me of being a Liverpool supporter, writes: “What are you talking about Barry? The last time I checked there were no ‘short corners’ in hockey.” You are aware that I’m talking about field hockey, aren’t you Hakan, as opposed to the infinitely more violent icecapades I suspect you might be talking about. However, seeing as I’m not an authority on either sport, I could well be wrong. It certainly wouldn’t be the first time.
43 mins: “A bunch of us here at premierleagueboston.com’s message board in Boston are reading your commentary,” writes Bruce Robertson. “It seems to be rather astute, but there’s no way for us to know because it’s so far over our heads. Anyway could you dumb it down dramtically at least for one update? Have mercy on us Yanks. Nobody else seems to be willing to.”
I’d love to help Bruce, but sadly I’m far too intelligent to dumb myself down to the necessary depths necessary to cater for an audience of thick yanks. If it helps, I’ll stick a photo of Janet Jackson up for the half-time entertainment. For Deportivo, Luque goes off injured and is replaced by Fran.
45 mins: “Someone here at work has filled a dirty coffee mug with hot soapy water and we are watching as month old crud lifts off the bottom,” writes Howard Davies. “This process seems to be generating more interest here than the Champions League match you are covering.” Sounds like fun Howard. The washing-up liquid hasn’t been invented yet that could lift the scum off the bottom of some of the mugs in here.
“You’re right, short corners are in field hockey,” writes Damo Marlee, confirming my suspicions that Hakan Hansson was wrong again. “Ice-shenanigans has no out-of-bounds unless the puck flies over the plexiglass.”
Many thanks to Graham Bicester Village Prada Refund Martin, an IT boffin who has mailed in to try and put an end to the problems we’re having with the Pablamos Cigars link. I’m sure your mail would be very helpful if I could understand a word of it. I’m going to close the matter here by stating that if anyone wants a cigar, go to La Coruna and buy a nice Cuban one in Pablamos Cigars. If you don’t want a cigar, have a banana instead.
46 mins: Porto subnstitution: Pedro Mendez and Jankauskas for Francisco Mendez and somebody else.
47 mins: Porto have started the second-half with quite a sense of urgency, which is more than can be said for me. Also, it turns out that Graham Martin is the worst kind of fool – an American Manchester United fan. It’s my ambition to meet a Manchester United fan from Manchester some day. Don’t laugh, a boy can dream.
50 mins: Some – largely obscene – input from Pablo in La Coruna: “Cheating, diving, crapping, putas de Porto!” he says. “I’ve hit the TV too many times for its own good. Dangerous tactic there. Okay calm down Pablo, its only a game with those diving cheating b**tardos who would sell their own granny to win if they had one.”
52 mins: For Deportivo, Valeron sprays a beautiful pass to Pandiani, who is free on the edge of the box. Nuno Valente closes him down with an excellent tackle right on the edge of the box, relieving him of his shorts in the process.
54 mins: Despite what Pablo says, Porto don’t have a monopoly on diving. Fran goes down way too easily in the Porto penalty area, but gets nothing for his troubles.
58 mins: Dum-de-dum.
59 mins: Jankauskas attempts a shot in the Deportivo penalty area, but it ricochets off a Deportivo defender standing in front of him and pings out of the box. I wouldn’t even mention it only there’s absolutely nothing else worth talking about going on. However, if you look hard enough, you can the grass on the pitch growing.
62 Black Prada Doctor Bag mins: I’m begging all Black Prada Bag With Gold you IT geeks out there – please stop sending me alternative links to Pablamos Cigars. I know you’re only trying to help, but I don’t want them. Go back to throwing your nine-sided dice and cutting pictures of hobbits out of Empire magazine, or whatever else it is you do for kicks.
64 mins: Deportivo sweep forward in droves catching Porto, and me, on the hop. Working from left to right, they tee up Valeron who unleashes a piledriver from the right-hand side of the box. It’s charged down.
66 mins: Spotting Jose Molina a few feet off his line in the Deportivo goal, Maniche attempts to chip him from just outside the box. His effort is fantastic, but rattles the crossbar and bounces out. Desperately unlucky.
69 mins: “We keep trying to tell Graham Martin he’s a fool, but then coming from an American Chelsea fan, I guess that doesn’t really pull much weight,” writes Kevin Johnson, who is a Development Integration Specialist. I bet he’s great fun in the office, photocopying his backside and fooling everyone with his electric handshake buzzer.
70 mins: Porto substitution: Marco Ferreira for Benni McCarthy. For Porto, Jankauskas tries and fails to get on the end of a long ball pumped into the box from the halfway line. This is fascinating stuff alright. I think it’s time for me to work my magic by declaring pompously that there’s absolutely no way whatsoever that Deportivo are going to socre before the end of this match. No way!
75 mins: For Porto, Deco, who is having an absolute shocker tonight, clips in a peach of a cross/ Molina comes out to punch it clear and gets an accidental arm in the face from Jankauskas for his troubles. Neevrtheless, the ball breaks to a Porto shirt, who shoots over the bar. Obviously, I mean the man in the shirt shoots over the bar and not the shirt on its own, but I haven’t a notion who it was.
78 mins: On the edge of the Deportivo box, Jankauskas pokes the ball past Enrique Romero and is tripped up. The referee is the only person in the ground that didn’t notice a foul and declines to give the big blond Lithuanian a free-kick. An extraordinary decision. Deportivo substitution: Duscher for Sergio.
80 mins: Jankauskas misses the best chance of the match for Porto. Under pressure from Manuel Pablo, he sprints to the edge of the six-yard box to get on the end of a free-kick from the right, wins the header and plants it wide. A terrible miss considering how few and far between decent chances have been in this match.
84 mins: For Deportivo, centre-half Jorge Andrede gets sent off for aiming a playful little kick at Deco, who was picking himself up from the ground after winning a free-kick. There was no malice in it at all. In fact he was grinning when he did it and Deco actually tried to stop the referee from sending him off, saying: “He’s my friend.” Very strange.
“I’m not an IT geek, I’m an Oxford medical student. For our kicks we cut dead people up and say ‘yo’ in an amusing manner,” writes Pedro F. Whatever blows your hair back, I suppose.
90+1 minutes: Sorry, I got carried away there trying to figure out what was going on with that sending-off. You’ve missed nothing – this whole match has been awful.
90 + 2 mins: Pablo has written in to tell us that Jorge Andrede used to play for Porto and that himself and Deco are mates. Which may be true, Pablo, but the referee doesn’t know that. Porto have a decent shout for a penalty turned down when – I think – Ferreira gets tripped in the box. It was a stone-wall penalty, but instead the referee booked the Porto man for diving.
90 + 3 mins: Peep! Peep! Peep! Thank the lord that’s over. It’s advantage Deportivo going into the second leg, but only just.
FC Porto: 99-Vitor Baia; 22-Paulo Ferreira, 2-Jorge Costa, 4-Ricardo Carvalho, 8-Nuno Valente, 6-Francisco Costinha, 15-Dmitry Alenichev 18-Maniche Ribeiro, 10-Deco Souza, 19-Carlos Alberto, 77-Benni McCarthy . Subs: Nuno, Pedro Emanuel, Bosingwa, Marco Ferreira, Pedro Mendes, Ricardo Fernandes, Jankauskas.
D Coruna: 1-Jose Molina; 2-Manuel Pablo, 4-Noureddine Naybet, 14-Jorge Andrade, 3-Enrique Romero; 18-Victor, 8-Sergio, 6-Mauro Silva, 19-Albert Luque; 21-Juan Carlos Valeron, 7-Walter Pandiani .Subs: Munua, Cesar, Capdevila, Fran, Djalminha, Duscher, Tristan.
Referee: Markus Merk (Germany)